When Jess was born I came across another incident that brought me face to face with stark reality...the crude, raw and naked truth about the status of women in India.
When I was in pre labour room, there was this patient's bed in front of my bed. To me she was sleeping...later on over hearing the docs' discussion, I came to know that she was in comma. Suddenly the docs rushed saying that the baby is coming out. They pulled the curtains on, and then after sometime the baby was born...but the child did not cry. After few moments, an elderly lady came into the room. Apparently she was the mom-in-law of the patient. The docs told her that the baby was dead, and showed her the dead body of the child. She was a baby girl...but that lady started shouting at the docs, saying that she won't take the dead body…the baby was supposed to be a boy. The doctors were shocked. She said they have never had baby girls in their family, and will not accept one...even if she is already dead. The Head Of Gynecology Department came in, and threatened her that the hospital authorities will get her arrested. Anyhowz her family accepted the baby's body, and God knows what they did with her. I doubt if they gave the child a decent funeral
The day next to the one when Jess was born, Renu (the patient) passed away. In the waiting room Renu's mom was in a bad condition. She had not had a single drop of water from the time Renu had been admitted. On the other hand Renu's husband and parents- in-law had no signs of grief on their face. Sometimes, I even spotted her husband laughing. He looked so callous.
Somehow I empathized with Renu's mom and went to express my condolence ...and what she told shocked me. She told that Renu had fallen off from the roof of her house. An hour before the incident, Renu had called her mom telling that she was feeling dizzy after having her lunch. She sounded upset, as after her ultrasound test her in-laws were in a weird kind of mood. An hour later, the phone call came from her in laws informing her about the mishap. Would a nine month pregnant lady go to the roof of her house especially after she was feeling dizzy? Was it a well calculated murder...and perhaps they knew Renu was carrying a baby girl...I asked aunty whether they suspected a foul play…but she looked too scared to answer in affirmative. She just shook her head and said that there was no use in thinking over such things as their child was gone now.
I am pretty sure Renu's hubby would have got married by now, and who knows is a proud father of at least 3 sons...but my heart goes to Renu's old parents who married off their daughter, their only child to this man...thinking that he will be her life companion, not knowing that he will be the one who will kill her. What kind of life would they be living now...I don't whether they are still living; but if they are, it must be a life where every moment is worst than death.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Holding my first child
This weekend went really hectic. Well it was my daughter’s birthday…she turned five this year. We had a great party, with over 50 people were invited to a dance cum dinner party. She wore pink cargo trousers, with a white/pink tshirt (with pink Barbie on it); and her curly hair were all blown up with a band to keep them away from eyes. I had put some casual make up on her face so that her face shines a little bit. When the guests came over, one of my uncles asked her to give a peck on his cheek…she refused saying that her lipstick would go off. Well that surprised everybody. Hmmm…my little angel is growing up fast.
That night my thoughts went back to the day she was born. It was early July morning; at around 3:00AM I experienced the first labour pang. As I was at my parents place, I woke up my mom. She got up with a jerk…and quickly started making preparations to take me to the hospital. That got me nervous, and I started crying. She told me ‘Don’t worry…just think of the gift that you will get’. Well I could not understand what she meant.
I was taken to the hospital. The pain escalated as the time went by. It took me16 hours to deliver her. By the time she was born (around 5:55 PM) I was drained out of energy. Finally she was born…the docs took her to a pediatrician, and within few secs I heard her cry… a shrilling but a very sweet sound that sometimes still rings in my ears. The doc brought her to me to show that it’s a baby girl. Now I see this very fair pink child…crying in the arms of the doctor. I felt something strange in my chest…a feeling that’s hard to explain in words. My first few moments of motherhood were that of awe. I was surprised…and was continuously looking at her till they administered the valium shot to me, so that I could sleep. When I was brought to the post natal ward, I was asleep.
After few hours (around 9:00 PM), one of the co-inmates of the ward woke me up saying “Hey didi, wake up. See your child is fairest of all babies in the ward. She is so lovely and is awake”. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see her lying just besides me. She was looking directly at me, as if figuring out whether I am her mom…Then I got up to sit, even though staggered for a while.I held her.
I won’t exaggerate if I say that I totally forgot the 16 hours long pains that I had gone through. It was an eternal moment of joy and happiness…truly speaking it bettered all the joys of the world. It was a moment that took me to an altogether alien world of motherhood. I was smiling, and had tears in my eyes. Now I knew what mom said ‘The Gift’. She is the gift of life to me...they say once you become a mom, you stay so for all your life. Yes!!! I am a mom now. I held her close to my chest, and thanked God for giving her to me. I and my husband had already chosen a name for her: Jessica. It is a hebrewish word meaning wealth.
During my stay in the hospital, I had my worst experience of the gender bias in India. No one in the ward congratulated me…I was surprised and disappointed. Whoever heard it is a girl child patted my back and said ‘Never mind. Next time we hope you have a son.’ I felt like hitting them...When my hubby held her in his arms, he thanked me for giving him such a beautiful child. He told me that I had given him the best gift of his life.
Daughters are a true treasure of life. As a daughter myself, I know the kind of affection that a mother daughter relationship holds. Even though the wishes of my well wishers came true and we were blessed with a baby boy last year, Jessica holds the same position in our lives. She is an apple of her dad's eyes. Even her little bro (who often is manhandled by her :-D) adores her completely. I very fondly call her 'Chandaa' (moon). May god bless my little girl with a happy and successful life.
This goes perfect for her:
Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin
Rosy lips, teeth within
Eyes are blue (naaahhh light brown)
Lovely too
Momma's pet, is that you?
Yes I am, Yes I am
Watch her sing
That night my thoughts went back to the day she was born. It was early July morning; at around 3:00AM I experienced the first labour pang. As I was at my parents place, I woke up my mom. She got up with a jerk…and quickly started making preparations to take me to the hospital. That got me nervous, and I started crying. She told me ‘Don’t worry…just think of the gift that you will get’. Well I could not understand what she meant.
I was taken to the hospital. The pain escalated as the time went by. It took me16 hours to deliver her. By the time she was born (around 5:55 PM) I was drained out of energy. Finally she was born…the docs took her to a pediatrician, and within few secs I heard her cry… a shrilling but a very sweet sound that sometimes still rings in my ears. The doc brought her to me to show that it’s a baby girl. Now I see this very fair pink child…crying in the arms of the doctor. I felt something strange in my chest…a feeling that’s hard to explain in words. My first few moments of motherhood were that of awe. I was surprised…and was continuously looking at her till they administered the valium shot to me, so that I could sleep. When I was brought to the post natal ward, I was asleep.
After few hours (around 9:00 PM), one of the co-inmates of the ward woke me up saying “Hey didi, wake up. See your child is fairest of all babies in the ward. She is so lovely and is awake”. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see her lying just besides me. She was looking directly at me, as if figuring out whether I am her mom…Then I got up to sit, even though staggered for a while.I held her.
I won’t exaggerate if I say that I totally forgot the 16 hours long pains that I had gone through. It was an eternal moment of joy and happiness…truly speaking it bettered all the joys of the world. It was a moment that took me to an altogether alien world of motherhood. I was smiling, and had tears in my eyes. Now I knew what mom said ‘The Gift’. She is the gift of life to me...they say once you become a mom, you stay so for all your life. Yes!!! I am a mom now. I held her close to my chest, and thanked God for giving her to me. I and my husband had already chosen a name for her: Jessica. It is a hebrewish word meaning wealth.
During my stay in the hospital, I had my worst experience of the gender bias in India. No one in the ward congratulated me…I was surprised and disappointed. Whoever heard it is a girl child patted my back and said ‘Never mind. Next time we hope you have a son.’ I felt like hitting them...When my hubby held her in his arms, he thanked me for giving him such a beautiful child. He told me that I had given him the best gift of his life.
Daughters are a true treasure of life. As a daughter myself, I know the kind of affection that a mother daughter relationship holds. Even though the wishes of my well wishers came true and we were blessed with a baby boy last year, Jessica holds the same position in our lives. She is an apple of her dad's eyes. Even her little bro (who often is manhandled by her :-D) adores her completely. I very fondly call her 'Chandaa' (moon). May god bless my little girl with a happy and successful life.
This goes perfect for her:
Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin
Rosy lips, teeth within
Eyes are blue (naaahhh light brown)
Lovely too
Momma's pet, is that you?
Yes I am, Yes I am
Watch her sing
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The legacy that I inherited
The virtue called Honesty
My father has been a banker all his life. He worked in a nationalized bank and after his job tenure retired respectfully from his organization. During his job tenure he faced lots of office politics and manipulations but one thing he never parted with, and that is his integrity and honesty.
His commitment towards his organization hit me...yes I am using the word 'hit'. It was when he was going through the tough patches in his career; we made a practice to criticize his bank's policies and management. He never said a word to stop us. He used to look quietly at us and smile. Then the time came when he had to retire.
We attended his retirement party, and was astonished by the applause he got when he rose to give his speech. After the party when we rose to leave I saw him avoid stepping on the foot matt placed at the entrance of bank building...I saw him bend down and touch it. I asked him why he didn't step on the foot matt...he quietly said that he has never stepped on it as it had his bank's name written on it; and when he bent down to touch it he was thanking the bank for giving him such an honest life...making him capable enough to support his family and bring up his kids the way he wanted. He just looked at me and said ' How could I step on the name of my bank...I belong to this place...and have worked here for 40 years'. His eyes were moist and now when I am telling you the incident that happened six years back I still have tears in my eyes.
The truth about truth:
Another virtue rather weakness that I inherited from him is the habit of telling the truth always. I don’t lie...ever and that is the toughest part. I can't lie about getting late to office, going on leave, getting job offers, during appraisals...I just tell the truth.
There was a time when I use to lie sometimes to save my skin. But then again an incident changed me completely. I was looking for the job after graduation. I was called for an interview by a Private bank. I was surprised when I received the call from the branch head. He confirmed my name, my father's name, his profession and blah blah.... He called me and told me if possible bring along your dad. I was a new comer in the corporate world and took my dad along. After interviewing me vaguely he called my dad in. He asked my dad whether he is still in inspection department. My dad was seriously surprised...but said yes. Then this guy tells my dad that he will offer me a managerial position in his bank if my dad could issue him a No Objection Certificate for his FOREX account.
My father's face clouded...and his expressions were thunderous...I have never seen him so angry. He just said that "Mr Singh I will not lie...I have never lied not even jokingly in my life. I would rather have my child's career halted for a while than lying to my organization. I would rather die than lie to anyone".
And trust me guys, at that moment I felt so proud that I just looked straight in the eyes of that guy and took my resume back from his hand. I felt so proud of him…surely the kind of feeling that a celeb’s child would get watching his/her dad do something grand. The glow of honesty and truth shows on his face till date.
Now when my friends, family members and co workers sometime tell me that I am a misfit for the corporate world...coz I am stupid as I am too honest, have no interest or rather tact of office politics and manipulations, I just remember that day when my dad gave me a life long lesson of commitment and honesty.
I would rather be called stupid, than lie or be dishonest.
My father has been a banker all his life. He worked in a nationalized bank and after his job tenure retired respectfully from his organization. During his job tenure he faced lots of office politics and manipulations but one thing he never parted with, and that is his integrity and honesty.
His commitment towards his organization hit me...yes I am using the word 'hit'. It was when he was going through the tough patches in his career; we made a practice to criticize his bank's policies and management. He never said a word to stop us. He used to look quietly at us and smile. Then the time came when he had to retire.
We attended his retirement party, and was astonished by the applause he got when he rose to give his speech. After the party when we rose to leave I saw him avoid stepping on the foot matt placed at the entrance of bank building...I saw him bend down and touch it. I asked him why he didn't step on the foot matt...he quietly said that he has never stepped on it as it had his bank's name written on it; and when he bent down to touch it he was thanking the bank for giving him such an honest life...making him capable enough to support his family and bring up his kids the way he wanted. He just looked at me and said ' How could I step on the name of my bank...I belong to this place...and have worked here for 40 years'. His eyes were moist and now when I am telling you the incident that happened six years back I still have tears in my eyes.
The truth about truth:
Another virtue rather weakness that I inherited from him is the habit of telling the truth always. I don’t lie...ever and that is the toughest part. I can't lie about getting late to office, going on leave, getting job offers, during appraisals...I just tell the truth.
There was a time when I use to lie sometimes to save my skin. But then again an incident changed me completely. I was looking for the job after graduation. I was called for an interview by a Private bank. I was surprised when I received the call from the branch head. He confirmed my name, my father's name, his profession and blah blah.... He called me and told me if possible bring along your dad. I was a new comer in the corporate world and took my dad along. After interviewing me vaguely he called my dad in. He asked my dad whether he is still in inspection department. My dad was seriously surprised...but said yes. Then this guy tells my dad that he will offer me a managerial position in his bank if my dad could issue him a No Objection Certificate for his FOREX account.
My father's face clouded...and his expressions were thunderous...I have never seen him so angry. He just said that "Mr Singh I will not lie...I have never lied not even jokingly in my life. I would rather have my child's career halted for a while than lying to my organization. I would rather die than lie to anyone".
And trust me guys, at that moment I felt so proud that I just looked straight in the eyes of that guy and took my resume back from his hand. I felt so proud of him…surely the kind of feeling that a celeb’s child would get watching his/her dad do something grand. The glow of honesty and truth shows on his face till date.
Now when my friends, family members and co workers sometime tell me that I am a misfit for the corporate world...coz I am stupid as I am too honest, have no interest or rather tact of office politics and manipulations, I just remember that day when my dad gave me a life long lesson of commitment and honesty.
I would rather be called stupid, than lie or be dishonest.
Friday, June 15, 2007
'You say it best when you say nothing at all'
It rained yesterday night...giving us respite from the extreme heat of mid june. We were invited on a dinner party at a friends place. Dinner went on till late time. By the time we came out of the party it started raining hard. Kids were asleep and we both went into a silent mode that usually follows when you have talked and laughed a lot. My husband switched the car stereo on...and the song was playing..
'You say it best when you say nothing at all'
The song started ringing into my ears and took me several years back.
My father belonged to Punjab...a beautiful state with wide fields, glowing faces and lovely native language. My grandfather had a huge house. It had sixteen bedrooms spread in rectangular shape...with the open space in between...the aangan was covered from four side. Ours was a huge family...6 brother each having two kids...that made 7 couple (including grandpa and grandmom) and 12 kids. We all use to visit grandpa during our vacations with the whole house buzzing with activity all day long.
Our winter vacations were on and we had gone to Punjab. Early in the morning I was in a habit of praying and offering water to sun (do surya namaskar). That morning I went upto the roof and did the same. When I opened my eyes...a very tall sikh boy was standing on the roof of house across the road. He smiled at me the moment I opened my eyes. My eyes widened and I stared back.
That evening grandpa told us that we were invited on dinner by the family living across the road..I was bewildered. Told my folks that I don't want to go. But my grandmom told me that they were family friends and their son has come back from Canada...so they have invited us. Well with mouth dropped till my chin and creased brows I went there. Aunty met me very well and she was surprised I had grown up so much..Arghhh how boring I thought. Then the same guy came downstairs.
Everybody looked at me and asked...Pehchanaa (meaning did you recognize him?). I looked at him again and then it struck me..oh my godd he is Shaan...my childhood buddy who used to play with me for the whole day. Amusedly his mom said 'You know Shaan used to insist that he will one day marry you' Everybody gave a hearty laugh. The moment I looked at him speechless he gave me a small smile that meant something more than a mere smile...and I blushed..so badly that my eyes and ears started burning and I felt I would not be able to breathe.
For the next few days, Shaan became a regular visitor in our house. He rode a bullet motorbike (most favourited in Punjab). I was very reserved with him...obviously I knew why he used to come to our house and remember in earlier post I had written that I had decided that i will never ever fall in love. I kept reminding myself this resolution; but at the same time the whole day long my ears used to long to hear his voice..that strong hearty laugh and that naughty chuckle the moment I used to come in front of him. Suddenly I had started paying more
attention to my appearance and clothes. Well I was always a very simple looking girl and all those make up things were not my cup of tea.
But still he used to compliment my looks..one day he told me I had deep eyes that told everything about me...the whole evening I stood in front of mirror trying to figure out how deep my eyes were. Things got complicated...the accidental brush of his hand...or slight rub of shoulders made us increasingly aware of each other. But we never said anything to each other.
Vacations were about to end and with each passing day a gloom started appearing on our faces. He also became quiet and tensed. Every evening saddened us the more. A deep pit seem to tightened my heart. I called up Rachna and told her about the same...and she laughingly told me that I was in love. IN LOVE??? Hey no....I didn't know that...how did it happen...but yes...the
slowly the feeling had started sinking in...Yes I liked..noo loved him.
Last day of vacation and we were given the farewell dinner by his folks. I was standing on the roof when he came behind me. Slowly he turned his face towards me and looked straight into my eyes. We were silent...for two three minutes. We both knew what was there between us but somehow both could not say a single word. Someone called us and we parted...not knowing that it was forever.
We came back. One day a phone call came. His mom had called. She wanted me as her daughter in law. But my father was against intercaste marraiges. He came upto me and told me that he has declined the offer. He asked me if what he did was right. I looked up at him and said
nothing at all...but I thought he would understand my silence. My dad didn't...well how could he..
Now when I look at my husband and kids...I feel I didnot lose anything. My hubby is a loving husband and a doting dad. I have two wonderful, cute kids. But why does sometime a winter morning sun sadden me...why did I never visit my gandpa's place after that...why does I feel that if you love somebody you need to show it...
Sometime.... its not good if you say nothing at all. Sometimes silence cost you your love and happiness.
'You say it best when you say nothing at all'
The song started ringing into my ears and took me several years back.
My father belonged to Punjab...a beautiful state with wide fields, glowing faces and lovely native language. My grandfather had a huge house. It had sixteen bedrooms spread in rectangular shape...with the open space in between...the aangan was covered from four side. Ours was a huge family...6 brother each having two kids...that made 7 couple (including grandpa and grandmom) and 12 kids. We all use to visit grandpa during our vacations with the whole house buzzing with activity all day long.
Our winter vacations were on and we had gone to Punjab. Early in the morning I was in a habit of praying and offering water to sun (do surya namaskar). That morning I went upto the roof and did the same. When I opened my eyes...a very tall sikh boy was standing on the roof of house across the road. He smiled at me the moment I opened my eyes. My eyes widened and I stared back.
That evening grandpa told us that we were invited on dinner by the family living across the road..I was bewildered. Told my folks that I don't want to go. But my grandmom told me that they were family friends and their son has come back from Canada...so they have invited us. Well with mouth dropped till my chin and creased brows I went there. Aunty met me very well and she was surprised I had grown up so much..Arghhh how boring I thought. Then the same guy came downstairs.
Everybody looked at me and asked...Pehchanaa (meaning did you recognize him?). I looked at him again and then it struck me..oh my godd he is Shaan...my childhood buddy who used to play with me for the whole day. Amusedly his mom said 'You know Shaan used to insist that he will one day marry you' Everybody gave a hearty laugh. The moment I looked at him speechless he gave me a small smile that meant something more than a mere smile...and I blushed..so badly that my eyes and ears started burning and I felt I would not be able to breathe.
For the next few days, Shaan became a regular visitor in our house. He rode a bullet motorbike (most favourited in Punjab). I was very reserved with him...obviously I knew why he used to come to our house and remember in earlier post I had written that I had decided that i will never ever fall in love. I kept reminding myself this resolution; but at the same time the whole day long my ears used to long to hear his voice..that strong hearty laugh and that naughty chuckle the moment I used to come in front of him. Suddenly I had started paying more
attention to my appearance and clothes. Well I was always a very simple looking girl and all those make up things were not my cup of tea.
But still he used to compliment my looks..one day he told me I had deep eyes that told everything about me...the whole evening I stood in front of mirror trying to figure out how deep my eyes were. Things got complicated...the accidental brush of his hand...or slight rub of shoulders made us increasingly aware of each other. But we never said anything to each other.
Vacations were about to end and with each passing day a gloom started appearing on our faces. He also became quiet and tensed. Every evening saddened us the more. A deep pit seem to tightened my heart. I called up Rachna and told her about the same...and she laughingly told me that I was in love. IN LOVE??? Hey no....I didn't know that...how did it happen...but yes...the
slowly the feeling had started sinking in...Yes I liked..noo loved him.
Last day of vacation and we were given the farewell dinner by his folks. I was standing on the roof when he came behind me. Slowly he turned his face towards me and looked straight into my eyes. We were silent...for two three minutes. We both knew what was there between us but somehow both could not say a single word. Someone called us and we parted...not knowing that it was forever.
We came back. One day a phone call came. His mom had called. She wanted me as her daughter in law. But my father was against intercaste marraiges. He came upto me and told me that he has declined the offer. He asked me if what he did was right. I looked up at him and said
nothing at all...but I thought he would understand my silence. My dad didn't...well how could he..
Now when I look at my husband and kids...I feel I didnot lose anything. My hubby is a loving husband and a doting dad. I have two wonderful, cute kids. But why does sometime a winter morning sun sadden me...why did I never visit my gandpa's place after that...why does I feel that if you love somebody you need to show it...
Sometime.... its not good if you say nothing at all. Sometimes silence cost you your love and happiness.
Friday, June 8, 2007
My first Mills & Boons
It was after my economics class session. I was waiting for Rachna's class to end so that we could go to canteen and have our favourite golgappa and chat (well truly speaking we used to eat golgappa (panipuree in south) everyday and slowly were ourselves turning into the same)...so I was waiting for her and this classmate of mine comes with two novels in her hands. Seeing me sitting idly, she told me to hold them for her so that she can go to attend a seminar. Sitting idle I started just navigating through the pages...when I started reading. It read somewhat like this:
"He held her hand and pushed her towards a wall...Emily could feel his body very close to her and smell of his smart after shave filled her nostrils. He traced his lips through her neckline and then his hot lips were on hers."
OOOPPPPSSS....I hurriedly shut the book...could feel my ears burning and guiltily looked around to see whether someone saw me reading it. I felt scandalized and my eyes were wide open and alert. Placing the novel at some distance I mentally criticized the girl and thought 'Tsk..Tsk..what a shameless girl...reading all that stuff'...but after sometime my curiosity overtook my reasoning and I picked up the book and started reading (mind you the same page with all those erotic details).
By the time Rachna came I had read almost ten to fifteen pages...digesting all the romantic details. My head was spinning though my eyes were wide apart and very alert. This was totally an alien domain for me. I told her to read those pages...but it seems she had earlier read some before. So she was pretty casual and ok with it. I felt sheepish when she grinned at my reaction. She told me to read it. I borrowed that novel from the owner, covered it with a newspaper and then took it home. Well I shared my room with my bro so had to keep things hidden from him. Somehow I managed to read that novel without been noticed by folks at home. Well that was my first intro to the world of passion. I guess I grew up without even realizing.
"He held her hand and pushed her towards a wall...Emily could feel his body very close to her and smell of his smart after shave filled her nostrils. He traced his lips through her neckline and then his hot lips were on hers."
OOOPPPPSSS....I hurriedly shut the book...could feel my ears burning and guiltily looked around to see whether someone saw me reading it. I felt scandalized and my eyes were wide open and alert. Placing the novel at some distance I mentally criticized the girl and thought 'Tsk..Tsk..what a shameless girl...reading all that stuff'...but after sometime my curiosity overtook my reasoning and I picked up the book and started reading (mind you the same page with all those erotic details).
By the time Rachna came I had read almost ten to fifteen pages...digesting all the romantic details. My head was spinning though my eyes were wide apart and very alert. This was totally an alien domain for me. I told her to read those pages...but it seems she had earlier read some before. So she was pretty casual and ok with it. I felt sheepish when she grinned at my reaction. She told me to read it. I borrowed that novel from the owner, covered it with a newspaper and then took it home. Well I shared my room with my bro so had to keep things hidden from him. Somehow I managed to read that novel without been noticed by folks at home. Well that was my first intro to the world of passion. I guess I grew up without even realizing.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
My Life in College
My first day in college.
Journeys end. Friends depart.
Every phase of life comes to an end.
But every end is also a new beginning.
It is a new chapter waiting to open.
First day, First class and I was late :D. I got the last seat. I saw a girl with curly hair sitting alone in two people desk in the front row. She was quiet with her head down. She was probably reading something. I went up to her and asked if I could sit next to her. She shrugged and said 'Sure'. I introduced myself and she curtly said 'I am Rachna'. During the course of conversation I came to know that we lived nearby and would commute on the same bus. We started commuting together. But I noticed she was very reserved and evasive. I noticed another thing too. She had lots of thick hair on her face...it was quite evident that growth of hair was not normal. But I never questioned her about the same. I saw people staring at her, and they usually found me staring back rudely at them. She took a month to open up with me but I noticed she grew closer to me with every passing day. One day she confided that she had a hormonal trouble that led to abnormal hair growth. She told me that she never befriended anyone as people talked about her problem.
She appreciated that I gave her space and never asked her anything about her appearance. I evaded the topic and told her that I just didn't observe it. But she knew I was lying. She cried a lot and I cried along. I adamantly told her that I never found her different from other girls and that she was prettier than all the girls in the class. On my saying that, she smiled and hugged me.
It’s been 17 years since it happened. We both are married and are thousand miles away... but we still are best of friends. We both have a kind of soul relationship, a kind of unfailing telepathy and intuition regarding each other. If one is not well or in trouble, the other one would know instinctively without even someone telling.
Journeys end. Friends depart.
Every phase of life comes to an end.
But every end is also a new beginning.
It is a new chapter waiting to open.
First day, First class and I was late :D. I got the last seat. I saw a girl with curly hair sitting alone in two people desk in the front row. She was quiet with her head down. She was probably reading something. I went up to her and asked if I could sit next to her. She shrugged and said 'Sure'. I introduced myself and she curtly said 'I am Rachna'. During the course of conversation I came to know that we lived nearby and would commute on the same bus. We started commuting together. But I noticed she was very reserved and evasive. I noticed another thing too. She had lots of thick hair on her face...it was quite evident that growth of hair was not normal. But I never questioned her about the same. I saw people staring at her, and they usually found me staring back rudely at them. She took a month to open up with me but I noticed she grew closer to me with every passing day. One day she confided that she had a hormonal trouble that led to abnormal hair growth. She told me that she never befriended anyone as people talked about her problem.
She appreciated that I gave her space and never asked her anything about her appearance. I evaded the topic and told her that I just didn't observe it. But she knew I was lying. She cried a lot and I cried along. I adamantly told her that I never found her different from other girls and that she was prettier than all the girls in the class. On my saying that, she smiled and hugged me.
It’s been 17 years since it happened. We both are married and are thousand miles away... but we still are best of friends. We both have a kind of soul relationship, a kind of unfailing telepathy and intuition regarding each other. If one is not well or in trouble, the other one would know instinctively without even someone telling.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
All about Love
First Impression about Love
To my parents' dismay, I refused to change my school in the next session. I was in my early teens and had a huge group of friends now. Playing and chatting was our favourite pastime during the lunch break . I was usually gathered with friends. That was perhaps the reason why I failed to notice the gloom and pain in my best friend's eyes. One day she refused to play with us. She said she was not well and would rather sit in the class. After sometime I came back to classroom leaving all others behind to check upon her. I saw her crying. After my repeated requests she confided that she was in love... I was shocked, rather scandalized. Well that was something totally new and to be honest very grown up thing to me.
That evening I went to her home. She narrated the entire episode. He was her neighbour and she really liked him and as usual he already had a girlfriend. For the next few weeks I saw her in immense pain. She lagged behind in studies and was very quiet and sober. Her pain hit me and something snapped within my heart. I took an aversion to romance and love.
I decided not to ever fall in love... not knowing that when love hits, no barrier can ever stop it; and that the greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
To my parents' dismay, I refused to change my school in the next session. I was in my early teens and had a huge group of friends now. Playing and chatting was our favourite pastime during the lunch break . I was usually gathered with friends. That was perhaps the reason why I failed to notice the gloom and pain in my best friend's eyes. One day she refused to play with us. She said she was not well and would rather sit in the class. After sometime I came back to classroom leaving all others behind to check upon her. I saw her crying. After my repeated requests she confided that she was in love... I was shocked, rather scandalized. Well that was something totally new and to be honest very grown up thing to me.
That evening I went to her home. She narrated the entire episode. He was her neighbour and she really liked him and as usual he already had a girlfriend. For the next few weeks I saw her in immense pain. She lagged behind in studies and was very quiet and sober. Her pain hit me and something snapped within my heart. I took an aversion to romance and love.
I decided not to ever fall in love... not knowing that when love hits, no barrier can ever stop it; and that the greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Friday, May 25, 2007
Coming to Chandigarh
Flashback (1980's)
In mid 1980's my dad got transferred and we came to Chandigarh. Chandigarh is known as city beautiful and is comparatively much smaller and slower as compared to Delhi. I was 11 years old and it was totally a new experience for me. It was a mid term and I had to get admission in a Gov't High School to save my academic year. From a Convent School in Delhi to a Gov't High School in Chandigarh, it was a huge difference. I still remembered I was awed by the amount of noise in the school and the classrooms, the way the teachers spoke in Hindi and Punjabi and the way kids behaved.
For the few days (out of superiority complex) I did not talk to kids around. They tried to be friendly but I never bothered to talk to them. But as the time passed by my attitude started costing me dear. I used to look at kids laughing and playing. Sitting alone in my seat I longed to be one of them; but my pride always stopped me from doing that. I got very lonely. My teachers liked me as I had a strong academic base from Delhi. This made me all the more alienated for the students around.
One day a girl (she was totally Punjabi speaking and we had a huge language difference) came and pulled my cheeks. She smiled at me. I did not know how to respond. But she was the only one who never laughed at me every time I prayed before lunch. I smiled back and her eyes twinkled. It took me a moment to realize that I had a friend; but it taught me a life long lesson about the power of smile. From that day onwards I started smiling at kids around, and within few days I had friends around. Nobody could tell the difference between me and them. But that girl was always with me...I taught her English and she taught me Punjabi and we were closest friends.
In mid 1980's my dad got transferred and we came to Chandigarh. Chandigarh is known as city beautiful and is comparatively much smaller and slower as compared to Delhi. I was 11 years old and it was totally a new experience for me. It was a mid term and I had to get admission in a Gov't High School to save my academic year. From a Convent School in Delhi to a Gov't High School in Chandigarh, it was a huge difference. I still remembered I was awed by the amount of noise in the school and the classrooms, the way the teachers spoke in Hindi and Punjabi and the way kids behaved.
For the few days (out of superiority complex) I did not talk to kids around. They tried to be friendly but I never bothered to talk to them. But as the time passed by my attitude started costing me dear. I used to look at kids laughing and playing. Sitting alone in my seat I longed to be one of them; but my pride always stopped me from doing that. I got very lonely. My teachers liked me as I had a strong academic base from Delhi. This made me all the more alienated for the students around.
One day a girl (she was totally Punjabi speaking and we had a huge language difference) came and pulled my cheeks. She smiled at me. I did not know how to respond. But she was the only one who never laughed at me every time I prayed before lunch. I smiled back and her eyes twinkled. It took me a moment to realize that I had a friend; but it taught me a life long lesson about the power of smile. From that day onwards I started smiling at kids around, and within few days I had friends around. Nobody could tell the difference between me and them. But that girl was always with me...I taught her English and she taught me Punjabi and we were closest friends.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Delhi Riots
Flashback (1980's)
I was in Delhi when Indira Gandhi was assassinated. My school was just behind AIMS and it was in the later half of the school day when we started to hear noises...noise of huge crowd. I was just 10 years old and for a 10 year old sudden loud noise means something curious but nothing more...We could see the faces of our teachers getting bleak and their lack of concentration on lessons was quite evident and surprising. Every now and then we could see a group of teachers discussing something in hushed tones. And then our principal announced an early off... I came home and saw mom really tensed. The only source of news was radio and she had put it on. She was really worried as my bro used to come back in local bus (not school bus) and his bus used to cross the area of AIMS. She left me at our neighbours place and went to the bus stop where he used get off the bus. Thnkfully he reached home safely. That evening riots broke off. Dad came home really upset. He had witnessed few of the scenes of riots where sikh community was beaten up...harmless and innocent people were being punished for a political action.
Next day we saw Delhi burning. Curfew was imposed and when we got to our roof we could see smoke from all directions. In Delhi, taxi stands were mainly owned by sikhs and almost every taxi stand was burning at that time. The people in our colony guarded the homes of sikhs whole day and night. Groups were formed to rotate the duty of guarding.
Who were these people who were guarding others? Were they hindus or muslims or christians..I guess they were human beings.
I was in Delhi when Indira Gandhi was assassinated. My school was just behind AIMS and it was in the later half of the school day when we started to hear noises...noise of huge crowd. I was just 10 years old and for a 10 year old sudden loud noise means something curious but nothing more...We could see the faces of our teachers getting bleak and their lack of concentration on lessons was quite evident and surprising. Every now and then we could see a group of teachers discussing something in hushed tones. And then our principal announced an early off... I came home and saw mom really tensed. The only source of news was radio and she had put it on. She was really worried as my bro used to come back in local bus (not school bus) and his bus used to cross the area of AIMS. She left me at our neighbours place and went to the bus stop where he used get off the bus. Thnkfully he reached home safely. That evening riots broke off. Dad came home really upset. He had witnessed few of the scenes of riots where sikh community was beaten up...harmless and innocent people were being punished for a political action.
Next day we saw Delhi burning. Curfew was imposed and when we got to our roof we could see smoke from all directions. In Delhi, taxi stands were mainly owned by sikhs and almost every taxi stand was burning at that time. The people in our colony guarded the homes of sikhs whole day and night. Groups were formed to rotate the duty of guarding.
Who were these people who were guarding others? Were they hindus or muslims or christians..I guess they were human beings.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
My parents and bro
Flashback (1980's)
Growing up in the capital of the nation brought with it new experiences. I studied in the best school of the city. My father was the only working person in family of four. I have an elder brother too who is six and a half years elder to me. I have seen my parents saving and cutting on their expenses so that I and my bro could get best of education. Those were the days when my mom used to do all the chores herself. Little did we realize at that moment what our parents were going through. They were at the prime of their age…were supposed to look good and enjoy their life to the fullest. Instead they were saving their hard earned money for their kids. But we…we as kids were battling for attention of our friends, how we look, how to win in games, how to perform better in school, how to fight and win from each other…Now when I look back at those days I realize just how much we have lost. When our parents were so young, vibrant and beautiful we never ever realized that…and now when they are old, tired and wrinkled…we yearn for those old days when mom and dad were so beautiful.
Things worsened when my bro was detected to have problem with his urinary tract. He was operated upon thrice for the same problem in a short span of one year. That further strained their pocket. And the tension involved was immense. After all watching your child going to Operation Theatre is no easy task. That was a period when I saw my parent extremely disturbed and tensed. The whole life got upset. And finally my bro came back from the hospital. When he came back I was at school unaware that he has been discharged from the hospital. I remember that afternoon… when I was coming back from school and I spotted my bro sitting in the balcony of our home. I just did not know how to react. He was smiling at me…I was watching him and suddenly he got blurred. I was confused for a fraction moment and then realized that I was crying, even though I was laughing. I realized just how much missed him and loved him…
Growing up in the capital of the nation brought with it new experiences. I studied in the best school of the city. My father was the only working person in family of four. I have an elder brother too who is six and a half years elder to me. I have seen my parents saving and cutting on their expenses so that I and my bro could get best of education. Those were the days when my mom used to do all the chores herself. Little did we realize at that moment what our parents were going through. They were at the prime of their age…were supposed to look good and enjoy their life to the fullest. Instead they were saving their hard earned money for their kids. But we…we as kids were battling for attention of our friends, how we look, how to win in games, how to perform better in school, how to fight and win from each other…Now when I look back at those days I realize just how much we have lost. When our parents were so young, vibrant and beautiful we never ever realized that…and now when they are old, tired and wrinkled…we yearn for those old days when mom and dad were so beautiful.
Things worsened when my bro was detected to have problem with his urinary tract. He was operated upon thrice for the same problem in a short span of one year. That further strained their pocket. And the tension involved was immense. After all watching your child going to Operation Theatre is no easy task. That was a period when I saw my parent extremely disturbed and tensed. The whole life got upset. And finally my bro came back from the hospital. When he came back I was at school unaware that he has been discharged from the hospital. I remember that afternoon… when I was coming back from school and I spotted my bro sitting in the balcony of our home. I just did not know how to react. He was smiling at me…I was watching him and suddenly he got blurred. I was confused for a fraction moment and then realized that I was crying, even though I was laughing. I realized just how much missed him and loved him…
Be kind-everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Thats not simply a copied tagline...this is the what I have experienced all my life. I have battled hard in my life. My birth itself was a war that my mom fought. When my mom was five months pregnant with me, she contracted jaundice. She was told by the doctors that either she or the baby would survive. But my mom held on to her faith, guts and energy. She suffered a lot during her pregnancy. But my parents efforts and faith brought results when I was born on 29 December 1973. The day I was born was the coldest day of the decade. My grandpa named me Coldie.
Thats not simply a copied tagline...this is the what I have experienced all my life. I have battled hard in my life. My birth itself was a war that my mom fought. When my mom was five months pregnant with me, she contracted jaundice. She was told by the doctors that either she or the baby would survive. But my mom held on to her faith, guts and energy. She suffered a lot during her pregnancy. But my parents efforts and faith brought results when I was born on 29 December 1973. The day I was born was the coldest day of the decade. My grandpa named me Coldie.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
About Myself
Life is queer with its twist and turns. Yeah these are the first words that come to my mind when I started writing; as writing and composition was one of my most feared subjects when I was a child and look at me now!!! I am a professional writer. Career came to me not by choice but by compulsion and I stayed on. Everyday I come across new faces and new stories.
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