The legacy that I inherited

The virtue called Honesty

My father has been a banker all his life. He worked in a nationalized bank and after his job tenure retired respectfully from his organization. During his job tenure he faced lots of office politics and manipulations but one thing he never parted with, and that is his integrity and honesty.

His commitment towards his organization hit me...yes I am using the word 'hit'. It was when he was going through the tough patches in his career; we made a practice to criticize his bank's policies and management. He never said a word to stop us. He used to look quietly at us and smile. Then the time came when he had to retire.

We attended his retirement party, and was astonished by the applause he got when he rose to give his speech. After the party when we rose to leave I saw him avoid stepping on the foot matt placed at the entrance of bank building...I saw him bend down and touch it. I asked him why he didn't step on the foot matt...he quietly said that he has never stepped on it as it had his bank's name written on it; and when he bent down to touch it he was thanking the bank for giving him such an honest life...making him capable enough to support his family and bring up his kids the way he wanted. He just looked at me and said ' How could I step on the name of my bank...I belong to this place...and have worked here for 40 years'. His eyes were moist and now when I am telling you the incident that happened six years back I still have tears in my eyes.

The truth about truth:

Another virtue rather weakness that I inherited from him is the habit of telling the truth always. I don’t lie...ever and that is the toughest part. I can't lie about getting late to office, going on leave, getting job offers, during appraisals...I just tell the truth.
There was a time when I use to lie sometimes to save my skin. But then again an incident changed me completely. I was looking for the job after graduation. I was called for an interview by a Private bank. I was surprised when I received the call from the branch head. He confirmed my name, my father's name, his profession and blah blah.... He called me and told me if possible bring along your dad. I was a new comer in the corporate world and took my dad along. After interviewing me vaguely he called my dad in. He asked my dad whether he is still in inspection department. My dad was seriously surprised...but said yes. Then this guy tells my dad that he will offer me a managerial position in his bank if my dad could issue him a No Objection Certificate for his FOREX account.

My father's face clouded...and his expressions were thunderous...I have never seen him so angry. He just said that "Mr Singh I will not lie...I have never lied not even jokingly in my life. I would rather have my child's career halted for a while than lying to my organization. I would rather die than lie to anyone".

And trust me guys, at that moment I felt so proud that I just looked straight in the eyes of that guy and took my resume back from his hand. I felt so proud of him…surely the kind of feeling that a celeb’s child would get watching his/her dad do something grand. The glow of honesty and truth shows on his face till date.

Now when my friends, family members and co workers sometime tell me that I am a misfit for the corporate world...coz I am stupid as I am too honest, have no interest or rather tact of office politics and manipulations, I just remember that day when my dad gave me a life long lesson of commitment and honesty.

I would rather be called stupid, than lie or be dishonest.

'You say it best when you say nothing at all'

It rained yesterday night...giving us respite from the extreme heat of mid june. We were invited on a dinner party at a friends place. Dinner went on till late time. By the time we came out of the party it started raining hard. Kids were asleep and we both went into a silent mode that usually follows when you have talked and laughed a lot. My husband switched the car stereo on...and the song was playing..

'You say it best when you say nothing at all'

The song started ringing into my ears and took me several years back.

My father belonged to Punjab...a beautiful state with wide fields, glowing faces and lovely native language. My grandfather had a huge house. It had sixteen bedrooms spread in rectangular shape...with the open space in between...the aangan was covered from four side. Ours was a huge family...6 brother each having two kids...that made 7 couple (including grandpa and grandmom) and 12 kids. We all use to visit grandpa during our vacations with the whole house buzzing with activity all day long.

Our winter vacations were on and we had gone to Punjab. Early in the morning I was in a habit of praying and offering water to sun (do surya namaskar). That morning I went upto the roof and did the same. When I opened my eyes...a very tall sikh boy was standing on the roof of house across the road. He smiled at me the moment I opened my eyes. My eyes widened and I stared back.

That evening grandpa told us that we were invited on dinner by the family living across the road..I was bewildered. Told my folks that I don't want to go. But my grandmom told me that they were family friends and their son has come back from Canada...so they have invited us. Well with mouth dropped till my chin and creased brows I went there. Aunty met me very well and she was surprised I had grown up so much..Arghhh how boring I thought. Then the same guy came downstairs.

Everybody looked at me and asked...Pehchanaa (meaning did you recognize him?). I looked at him again and then it struck me..oh my godd he is Shaan...my childhood buddy who used to play with me for the whole day. Amusedly his mom said 'You know Shaan used to insist that he will one day marry you' Everybody gave a hearty laugh. The moment I looked at him speechless he gave me a small smile that meant something more than a mere smile...and I blushed..so badly that my eyes and ears started burning and I felt I would not be able to breathe.

For the next few days, Shaan became a regular visitor in our house. He rode a bullet motorbike (most favourited in Punjab). I was very reserved with him...obviously I knew why he used to come to our house and remember in earlier post I had written that I had decided that i will never ever fall in love. I kept reminding myself this resolution; but at the same time the whole day long my ears used to long to hear his voice..that strong hearty laugh and that naughty chuckle the moment I used to come in front of him. Suddenly I had started paying more
attention to my appearance and clothes. Well I was always a very simple looking girl and all those make up things were not my cup of tea.

But still he used to compliment my looks..one day he told me I had deep eyes that told everything about me...the whole evening I stood in front of mirror trying to figure out how deep my eyes were. Things got complicated...the accidental brush of his hand...or slight rub of shoulders made us increasingly aware of each other. But we never said anything to each other.

Vacations were about to end and with each passing day a gloom started appearing on our faces. He also became quiet and tensed. Every evening saddened us the more. A deep pit seem to tightened my heart. I called up Rachna and told her about the same...and she laughingly told me that I was in love. IN LOVE??? Hey no....I didn't know that...how did it happen...but yes...the
slowly the feeling had started sinking in...Yes I liked..noo loved him.

Last day of vacation and we were given the farewell dinner by his folks. I was standing on the roof when he came behind me. Slowly he turned his face towards me and looked straight into my eyes. We were silent...for two three minutes. We both knew what was there between us but somehow both could not say a single word. Someone called us and we parted...not knowing that it was forever.

We came back. One day a phone call came. His mom had called. She wanted me as her daughter in law. But my father was against intercaste marraiges. He came upto me and told me that he has declined the offer. He asked me if what he did was right. I looked up at him and said
nothing at all...but I thought he would understand my silence. My dad didn't...well how could he..

Now when I look at my husband and kids...I feel I didnot lose anything. My hubby is a loving husband and a doting dad. I have two wonderful, cute kids. But why does sometime a winter morning sun sadden me...why did I never visit my gandpa's place after that...why does I feel that if you love somebody you need to show it...

Sometime.... its not good if you say nothing at all. Sometimes silence cost you your love and happiness.

My first Mills & Boons

It was after my economics class session. I was waiting for Rachna's class to end so that we could go to canteen and have our favourite golgappa and chat (well truly speaking we used to eat golgappa (panipuree in south) everyday and slowly were ourselves turning into the same)...so I was waiting for her and this classmate of mine comes with two novels in her hands. Seeing me sitting idly, she told me to hold them for her so that she can go to attend a seminar. Sitting idle I started just navigating through the pages...when I started reading. It read somewhat like this:

"He held her hand and pushed her towards a wall...Emily could feel his body very close to her and smell of his smart after shave filled her nostrils. He traced his lips through her neckline and then his hot lips were on hers."

OOOPPPPSSS....I hurriedly shut the book...could feel my ears burning and guiltily looked around to see whether someone saw me reading it. I felt scandalized and my eyes were wide open and alert. Placing the novel at some distance I mentally criticized the girl and thought 'Tsk..Tsk..what a shameless girl...reading all that stuff'...but after sometime my curiosity overtook my reasoning and I picked up the book and started reading (mind you the same page with all those erotic details).

By the time Rachna came I had read almost ten to fifteen pages...digesting all the romantic details. My head was spinning though my eyes were wide apart and very alert. This was totally an alien domain for me. I told her to read those pages...but it seems she had earlier read some before. So she was pretty casual and ok with it. I felt sheepish when she grinned at my reaction. She told me to read it. I borrowed that novel from the owner, covered it with a newspaper and then took it home. Well I shared my room with my bro so had to keep things hidden from him. Somehow I managed to read that novel without been noticed by folks at home. Well that was my first intro to the world of passion. I guess I grew up without even realizing.